i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
