Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
