dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
