The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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