You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
