some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
