Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
