it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
