I'd wear matching sweaters with you
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
