Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
