She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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