I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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