Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
try to milk me bitch
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