In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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