Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
