so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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