I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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