the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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