Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
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