So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
