i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
