Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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