It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
