We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
