omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
