Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
MIDGETS
????
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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