The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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