i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
