Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
