its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
dude. I can hear the air.
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