I faked an abortion last night.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
