I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Randomize
