got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
