just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
