dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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