What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
