I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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