5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
