We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
