he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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