I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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