I feel like I'm in dance class right now
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
