You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
