i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
