I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
