Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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