sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
