chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
