I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
