i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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