I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
