Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
